August 31, 2006

No such thing as bad publicist

Things I refuse to believe about any band, mostly picked up from the Rolling Stone fall music preview issue:

  • That any member is "classically trained"

  • That they "nearly broke up" while recording their latest album

  • That the house they recorded in was haunted

  • That the sound of their new album is "more organic"

Feel free to add to the list below.

August 27, 2006

I'd like to thank the Academy


About a third of the way through the World War II memorial, I turned to the missus and said, "Does this seem kind of cheesy to you?" She couldn't hear me, though, because the fountains were so loud. I've read plenty of commentary about this memorial, both pro and con, but I was ready to give the thing a shot.

In his review of the memorial, the Washington Post's Blake Gopnik said:
It says so little, in fact, that our soldiers' worst enemies would have felt equally comfortable with its design. Imagine the memorial as paying tribute to the efforts of the Wehrmacht in Poland, or of the Carabinieri in Ethiopia -- change just a few of its explanatory inscriptions, that is -- and you realize that Europe's fascist leaders could not have found a thing in it to take exception to. Its sculpted raptors and victors' wreaths and imperial colonnades trumpet warlike virtues, but they never flag which side they're fighting on.
Wow. A point Gopnik doesn't address is the sheer Hollywood-ness of this memorial. I guess that's low-hanging fruit, but think about the echoes between those overwhelmingly loud fountains and the way memorial backer Steven Spielberg (whose movies I generally like) blasts his audience with ear-splitting music that tells them what mood they should be in for each scene. In the context of the memorial, these fountains say, "This is important," but they make contemplation of the magnitude of that war next to impossible.

Which is in keeping with the rest of the memorial. At the visitor's center, you can look up relatives who died in the war, but otherwise the only suggestion that people died in this thing is a wall with a bunch of brass stars on it. There are giant columns with the names of all the states, plus Alaska, Hawaii, D.C. and Guam, and absolutely nothing on them to convey the number of people from each state who perished fighting. It's all terribly grand and utterly forgettable, much like most World War II movies (with the notable exception of Saving Private Ryan). The setting, on the Mall between the Washington and Lincoln Memorials, is nowhere near as scarring as I thought it would be, but the monument itself feels like an afterthought to its location--as if the real estate conveyed so much gravitas no one would notice that someone parked a McMansion there.

I agree with Slate's Timothy Noah that while Vietnam was "in retrospect...largely about death," and that the World War II memorial doesn't necessarily require a "telephone book" roll call of the the dead to make an impact. But like the movies that partially funded this turkey, death is idealized in the World War II memorial, skated over and ultimately emptied of meaning.

August 04, 2006

Man 0, nature 1

So animal control came. Here's how it went down.

9:28: There's a rustling outside. I go out to see what's happening. There's a gentleman from animal control on my stoop, and another guy going to the van. My trash can is lying on the ground with the lid open. The guy on my stoop greats me and goes to join his colleague.

9:29: My neighbor is watering her shrubs. We chat about the raccoon in my trash can while the guys get their tools.

9:29:30: Then the raccoon waddles out of the trash can and makes a break for my neighbor, who leaps onto her stoop. It walks away and ducks down a storm drain. The animal control guys are still at their van.

9:30: One of the guys approaches with one of those sticks with the loop of wire at the end. "I guess it woke up," he says. You think? is what I don't say to him.

9:31: Animal control leaves. I call out the missus and we talk to our neighbor, who has returned to watering her shrubs, for a few minutes.

9:34: The animal control van returns, shining a spotlight on the gutters. It does a U-turn, shines a spotlight on the other side of the street, then vamooses.

9:35: We warn our neighbor to watch her ankles and return inside. The raccoon is still at large.

There is a raccoon in my trash can


I am officially not a redneck.

I can prove this, because right now, I'm waiting for animal control. It helps my case that I've got a glass of wine next to me, and that the missus is watching PBS. But that's not why I'm not a redneck.

I'm not a redneck because there's a raccoon in my trash can. Allow me to explain.

About 15 minutes ago, I took out the trash. I opened the supercan lid and dropped the bag and pizza box in. I immediately heard a sound whose closest equivalent is David Lee Roth's yelp before the chorus of "Panama" kicks in.

I returned inside.

"I think there's a raccoon in the trash can," I told my wife. She said I was nuts. I got a flashlight.

I'm not nuts. There's a raccoon in the trash can. It's curled up in one corner. It may be hurt. I'm not sure.

The important thing here is that I resisted the urge to solve this problem myself. I called the cops. They're on their way over (memo to self: turn off PBS).

There is a raccoon in my trash can.

August 03, 2006

It made this country great, your honor

At the hearing, Administrative Law Judge Teresa Hillary asked Neddermeyer, "Why would you drink fuel?"

"I don't have a good explanation for that," he replied. "Curiosity?"