Scolded Graham

WMAL suspended Michael Graham for his vigorously defended comment that Islam is a terrorist organization. WMAL says it's "investigating" Graham, a claim Graham correctly belittles on his own site. I agree with him--what's to investigate? If making a baboon's ass of himself is a firing offense, by all means, flush him. Though it's hard to understand why he didn't get canned earlier--it's not like our man is allergic to letting his stupid flag fly. Consider this nugget:

According to news accounts, he has been fired twice from radio hosting jobs for on-air statements. His most recent termination was in 1999 when he was working as a radio talk-show host on WBT in Charlotte. Just hours after the shootings at Columbine High School in Colorado, Graham told listeners that the killing of athletes at the school was "one minor benefit of this otherwise horrible story."

You get what you pay for.

No, no, YOU won the lottery, Tom

Sometimes when I'm writing a piece for Spin, I grumble about the second-rate access we frequently get to our subjects. Once in a while I read something that keeps it in perspective. From today's Times-Dispatch, Tom Netherland's description of the "get" of a lifetime:

"I still look back in amazement," said Hootie drummer Jim "Soni" Sonefeld by phone last Wednesday from a Taco Bell in upstate Michigan.

Genius at work

I guess in the same way that George H.W. Bush likes Maureen Dowd, I like Michael Graham. I can't really stomach talk radio, so I rarely listened to his show when he was here, but I always enjoyed his appearances on Bill Maher's shows, and I appreciated the way he showered Richmond's powers-that-were (Calvin Jamison, Andre Parker, Rudy McCollum) with deserved ridicule when no other local outlet stepped up.

So I was surprised to read today's story about Graham in the Washington Post, not because he pissed off D.C.-area Muslims with a moronic statement, but because according to the article his new station, WMAL, has been bleeding listeners since he arrived. I thought Graham was ready to ascend the talker heights—he has a decent-selling book, does a fair bit of TV, etc.—but maybe Richmond was where his metaphorical water found its metaphorical highest level.

Paradoxically, Graham's popularity will probably balloon with this, because people will be interested in what he'll say next. He called Islam a "terrorist organization" because, he reasons:

If the Boy Scouts of America had 1,000 Scout troops, and 10 of them practiced suicide bombings, then the BSA would be considered a terrorist organization. If the BSA refused to kick out those 10 troops, that would make the case even stronger. If people defending terror repeatedly turned to the Boy Scout handbook and found language that justified and defended murder --and the scoutmasters responded by saying 'Could be' -- the Boy Scouts would have been driven out of America long ago.

I guess by his reasoning Catholicism is the equivalent of NAMBLA and evangelical Protestantism is a big Ponzi scheme, but as Ibrahim Hooper of the Council on American-Islamic Relations notes in the article, there's no law against being an idiot. In Graham's business, there is an unwritten law, though: If your ratings drop enough (and WMAL's morning ratings are down a quarter since Graham arrived), you're soon gonna be taking your show to smaller markets.

So when do we welcome him home?

He's seen too many dreams die in this squalid old town

I'm bummed, but not exactly surprised, to read that Paul is thinking of moving out of Richmond. Frankly, I think it's a legitimate response to a place where comfort and potential work like slow-acting poison.

Let's look at those tandem toxins, which affect hipsters and bluebloods alike. Comfort is considering local fame the absolute height of ambition. It's being defensive about institutions, regardless of their quality. It's creating a social hierarchy opaque to newcomers. It's retreating to Fulton Hill or Westhampton, angling to get your kids into Fox or St. Christopher's, and in both cases convincing yourself that Mama 'Zu and Edo's serve decent Italian.

Potential: Well, who here isn't potential's bitch? It's hard not to tamp down that old feeling when you cross Manchester bridge after dinner at Legends (shit beer, mediocre burgers, and buy a damn fryer already so I can have some proper french fries, but Oh! that deck) and see the James gleaming beneath you as the skyline looks somehow less bland in the evening light. "This place could...be so great," you think, but then you catch yourself. You've been thinking the same thing since you were in college ten years ago. It's still the same race-torn, dilapidated, half-decent-but-never-great place it's always been, and your choices are to either make peace with that and retreat, butt your head against the fact that you'll never be able to change it, or leave.

It's not a failure of idealism to choose the latter. Maybe it's even a triumph of optimism, the moment you let yourself think that life can in fact be better somewhere else. If you're wrong, hey, Richmond will always be here for you. Some things will never change.

Feed us the world feed

I don't know why I thought that MTV's coverage of Live 8 would be an opportunity to, you know, see some of the damn music instead of endless cutaways to Aamer from VH1 chatting backstage with Jimmy Fallon in London. They're showing one song per 15 minute segment, then loading up on commercials during an event that really should be ad-free. AOL's coverage isn't really working, either--I don't seem to be able to control which city I'm watching. Oh well, maybe there'll be a DVD.