Impersonating medical personnel

Just over two years ago, after we'd bought this house, I was raking leaves in my front yard when a neighbor passed by. "Hey, I hear you're a doctor," he said. "If I was a doctor I wouldn't be raking my own leaves!" I responded with typical razor-sharp wit.

Since then I've come to realize, through several similar comments, that there are many more people in my neighborhood who think I'm a doctor. I honestly don't understand how this rumor can sustain itself. I'm home all day, leave the house only for lottery tickets and beer and wear shorts and flip-flops all summer. I could see how someone would mistake me for a drug dealer, but a doctor, much less someone with a job?

A couple weeks ago a different neighbor was passing the front yard as I was bringing my son out to the car. "Now where did he come from?" the man asked. "I don't think I have to tell you that!" I said. "I know you're a doctor, but I didn't know you were that good a doctor!" he replied. I'm not sure what that meant, but I also don't think he heard me shouting "I'm not a doctor!" as he headed down the block.

Today after giving the kid some medicine for his ear infection, I remembered I hadn't turned off the garden hose out front. So I ran outside, just as the same guy was passing by. "Working late?" he called to me. I was holding...wait for it...a syringe and an ear dropper.