Growing pains

Frankly, if Spin would let me hire interns instead of my usual duties (in addition to reviewing Tool albums without listening to them--"Looks like a D+!"--I'm responsible for grooming Ganz's labradoodle, forwarding Klosterman's hate mail from Tom Morello to the cops, and holding Dolan's glasses while he vomits) aspiring journalists with names such as Krystal Grow and fanciful fonts on their CVs would be shoo-ins. But I guess neither Krystal nor I are gonna get what we want out of life anytime soon. I can only offer Ms. Grow my sympathies and the next best thing--anytime she wants to help me make some sense of my office, she's welcome to au pair.