December 02, 2004

Also, bow ties are an unbearable affectation

This sentence

If legislators in the General Assembly ever supped sufficiently from the fool's porringer that they considered forcing newspapers to publish certain authors, the broadsheets of this Commonwealth would raise unholy hell.

Comes from

  • A letter from Patrick Henry to his young charge Dobbins
  • An excerpt from Virginia governor Westmoreland Davis' inaugural address in 1918
  • The lede in an op-ed in Tuesday's Times-Dispatch


If you chose the last option, you would be correct. Who are these guys, and why do they think talking like Phileas Fogg is the best way to communicate with NASCAR city? It's as if they imagine themselves fanning themselves in a darkened room cooled by a block of ice and a fan, pecking out missives on their Underwoods and shouting "COPY!" whenever they achieve a particularly fine bon mot.

I can't imagine there's a single person in the T-D's small circulation area that reads these things for anything other than entertainment value; obscure references such as "fools porringer" seem thrown in to delight fellow dandies and no one else. Leave behind the neanderthal politics of the editorial page--I'm talking about how unreadable the damn thing is. What's weird is that no one seems to mind, or more likely, they're just ignoring it. I should, too, yet every few weeks I feel compelled to see what's happening on that island of Dr. Moreau down on Franklin.

It's never impressive, except in its weirdness, the work of this collection of goofballs and cretins. So what's the attraction? Are they articulating the views of most Richmonders with the hifalutin language we all wish we could wield? Are they a guilty pleasure? More likely, are they just pleasing themselves?

In the documentary The War Room, James Carville watches on TV as Ross Perot slow-dancing off into the sunset with his wife as Patsy Cline's "Crazy" plays. "That's got to be the single-most expensive act of masturbation in history," Carville marvels as the announcer says that Perot spent $60 million on his campaign. If I owned MediaGeneral stock I'd say Perot got off cheap, so to speak.

2 Comments:

Blogger Paul Goode said...

Woah. That is insane. My internal voice was reading that passage like it was from the 1700's. So confused.

(Thanks for the props. You donno how nice that feels.)

6:57 PM  
Blogger hedbakery said...

Unholy hell must be the part reserved for the *really* lowdown (speaking of Lowdown, i have a thought or two on George Allen's victory in the 1993 gubernatorial race that i've been meaning to write down...).

12:27 AM  

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