Esophagus, tear ducts linked by man in way over his head

Sometimes I wonder why Richmond's entertainment scene is so stagnant. Then I read the city's newspaper! Yes, Bette Midler is coming to town, and yes--you can't tell this from reading, but I'm sobbing--I suppose that's kind of a big deal for a town this size, but was Melissa Ruggieri even paying attention while interviewing La Bette?

As even the upstarts know, tours are grueling, and with 21 shows to go after Richmond, Midler is trying to remain healthy. She still avidly follows the South Beach diet ("Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah," she says when asked if she's still a fan of the diet that has trimmed her to tiny proportions).

Fascinating.

I know for damn sure Ruggieri wasn't paying attention when this sentence slipped by her crack editors, in a review of the new R.E.M. album that inadvertantly proves her point:

There's nothing wrong with somber and quiet Coldplay managed an extraordinary feat with its one-mood "A Rush of Blood to the Head" but instead of provoking thought or repeated listenings of lyrics and structure, these 13 songs more often than not project a melancholy aimlessness.

Yeah, aimlessness is to be avoided.

Well, at least she's not clinically insane, like movie "critic" Dan Neman, who can barely contain himself when reviewing the J.Lo vehicle Shall We Dance? "Is there any man alive who looks better in a tux, or white tie and tails, than Richard Gere?" he gushes, before studiously informing us that "in Japan social dancing carries with it a social stigma." Shit, Dan, in RICHMOND social dancing carries a stigma. If it didn't club patrons would stop shooting one another!

Still, Neman's best line of the week comes from his Team America: World Police "review," which includes a total Neman gem: "But the copious puppet vomit scene literally brought tears of laughter to my eyes."

Nothing but the best for the Times-Dispatch.